Marriage: Loaded Words

I picked up the book from the shelf and started to read. I had read it before.  Years ago.  But, I wanted to come back to it.  It was a book about marriage–having a successful marriage–despite the spiritual differences a couple might have.

I remember thinking that it had been a good book. Full of good advice, thoughtful points, scriptural references.  If I hadn’t thought it was good, it would not have earned a spot on the shelf.

But, this time, as I read, I became tense, immediately. What was it that bothered me? It was well written–certainly. Easy to read. But it was something else.  I couldn’t put my finger on it.  So, I put the book down.

This morning, I picked up the book again and started to read. This time, I knew the source of my tension: the author’s choice of words.

Loaded words. Words that seem harmless, but which carry negative emotions. Words, especially used in the context of marriage, that have a powerful message: you may not make it.

Surviving your marriage.

Managing your marriage.

The challenge of marriage.

Wow. How did I miss this the first time? Or, maybe, those words resonated with me the first time I read them–there were times when I wondered if I would ‘survive’ my marriage.  And, certainly, marriage can be challenging. The first time I read this, maybe that is all I was looking for.

This time, the word ‘survival’ stirs up images of struggle, barely making it. Hopelessness. Maybe just ‘accepting’ marriage or ‘settling’ for it.

But, the gift of marriage is more than something to survive.
It is something that God beautifully created.  Something that we long for–that we dream about when we are young.  We yearn for the companionship and intimacy–beautiful intimacy–that marriage provides. That is the marriage God wants.

So, I close the book. I fold my hands. And, I turn to God to write the script.


Seek forgiveness, grace, and beauty.

Live fully and thankfully.

Love deeply.


Posted on April 27, 2010, in Christianity, Faith, God, love, marriage and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Elizabeth,

    Amen and amen. Its seems today, I was in the Spirit. You ought to read my article to see what I mean. Beautiful proclamation. We ought to live our marriages…not survive or manage.

    God bless you….and may your marriage know no bounds in Jesus Name!


  2. Hi Elizabeth,

    You’ve got me thinking now about loaded words. For marriage, and for life. How often are we wrapped up in just surviving this mess instead of living with God and letting Him lead?

    Does this connect back to what Jesus said about saving our lives to lose them, or losing them to find them?

    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. It let me follow the link back to yours. I’ll be back again!

  3. Janet – Thanks for visiting. I, too, think about how often I just try to get through a busy day, rather than living each day out intentionally and joyfully. –Godspeed, Elizabeth.

  4. Elizabeth, Thank you for this important reminder. Peace, Linda

  5. Linda – Hope you are having a great day. — Godspeed, Elizabeth

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