Thoughts on Christmas morning.
It’s been some time since I’ve written here.
Far too long.
But I’ve needed silence.
Instead of writing, I’ve been walking.
Walking in the beauty of God’s creation.
Walking among the trees and along the streams.
For now, that is what I need.
But, dear followers, I’ve started another blog for short, walking-inspired photography and poetry.
If you’d like to follow me there, you’ll find it here at Inspired by Walking.Wordpress.com
I’ve missed you all and appreciated the emails I’ve received from some of you reaching out.
–Godspeed, Elizabeth (aka Anne Elizabeth)
God has given me this abundant life. A family I love. Work that invigorates.
And yet I want. I want some parts of my life to be different. I think “what if. . .” and “If only. . .” My mind wanders and I think about my life and what it might look like “if only. . .”
And then I come back to the present. But I find I’m only partially here. I leave a small piece of me–part of my attention–in that place. In the “If only” place.
I’m like a puzzle with one missing piece. Set out on the table, put together, yet not complete. The puzzle makers search for the missing piece and come up short. Disappointment after all that work. And then the sigh, oh well.
When I live in the “If onlys” and “what ifs” I imagine God’s disappointment. After all, He has orchestrated this life. He knows my disappointment. My frustration. My expectations. My hopes.
He also knows how it impacts those around me. Those He gave me to love completely. Those who aren’t getting my full attention.
What would my life look like if I fully lived the life set before me? No “if onlys.” No “what ifs.” What if I just lived in the present moment and focused my full attention? What if I celebrated this life fully with thanksgiving? What if I just trusted God fully? Had faith?
Would this life begin to look like the life I dream about? Or perhaps, become more abundant than I could ever imagine. . .
I think of Christ and wonder whether he ever felt as I do. As He carried the cross, I wonder if He ever thought “if only. . .”
“let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising shame, and hath sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” – Hebrews 12:1 ASV
I really don’t have time to write today. But I must. I feel compelled to write. A different place than I was a few days ago when I didn’t want to write, but forced myself to sit down at the keyboard and type out a brief poem.
I feel compelled today because I am grieving. Grieving over the reaction to the killing of Osama Bin Laden. The celebrating in the streets. The Facebook pictures of Bin Laden. The comments on twitter.
I’m grieving because, celebrating the death of one created by God–regardless of what we think of that person’s life–doesn’t seem like the right response. Ever. I know he orchestrated the deaths of many, including the attacks on 9/11/2001 and gloated with his despise of Americans. I know that he is credited as the leader of Al Qaeda, a terrorist organization. I know he plotted the killing of friends and family members of many.
I get the knee-jerk reaction. Of “finally.” And, “what a relief.” But, celebrating death by public gathering, flag-waving, and shouting in the streets is beyond my understanding.
I find myself searching God for an answer. A proper response. I turn inward. I look upward. I seek God’s face in silence. You know the righteous. You are the judge of all. Forgive us our transgressions.
The response I sense in those quiet moments with God are these. Just love. Love deeply. Leave the rest to Me.